One fine spring day Aphrodite emerged from her ice palace and ventured into the world of mortals. Preceding her, a host of attendants lay down a soft bed of rose petals and sprayed a fine fragrant mist, portending her emergence into a sun-dappled glen. Attendants to each side scurried to keep up while carrying mirrors, serving to magnify the beauty that might adorn her view.
In her wake followed an entourage of frolicking children, puppies and doe-eyed suitors, enamored by her beauty. She entered the glen alongside a babbling brook as all those fortunate enough to be taken in by the sight knelt in awe and admiration of her beauty. The elderly suddenly felt spry as in their youth, broken hearts were mended and clenched fists relaxed.
Once in the heart of the glen the clouds parted as the diffuse sunlight changed to golden rays warming her and all those within her presence. As she turned to look beyond the mirrors at the beauty which surrounded her the most unusual thing happened that elicited a concerned, muted murmur first from her attendants and then propagating through the gathering throng of onlookers.
She felt a tug at her long sable cape as a hush fell over the throng, waiting in anticipation of what might happen next.
A strapping young man approached, his shirtless torso glistening with beads of sweat which seemed to hang on every ripple of his well-muscled body as they dripped slowly down the glossy matted hair below his navel and onward towards the damp and bulging seat of his manhood. Past the attendants he wove a path directly towards the Goddess of Beauty, his athleticism and grace apparent with each cat-like step as he neared, every person in the glen transfixed upon the sight unfolding before their eyes.
Within a millisecond Aphrodite underwent a flash of disbelief that melted into curiosity at the audacity of this puny mortal who dared approach her while also noting approvingly that he was not just any run-of-the-mill human. He seemed to be starting to kneel and a look of smug approval settled in. She imagined him some tasty morsel to be consumed then retired as a welcome addition to her concubine, into which he'd surely clamor for admission upon first glance at her voluptuous splendor upon disrobing.
But as the man stooped he did not follow through by either kneeling or bowing to pay homage. He did however lean over to pick up a errant frisbee that had struck the Goddess' cape.
"'Scuse me ma'am, my dawg Booger missed" he explained pointing back at a panting, slobbering labrador retriever who was now gleefully rolling on his back, sharing his non-neutered doggie glory with all who gazed his way.
Aphrodite grimaced as a disapproving grumble moved through the crowd of onlookers, not so much because of their personal reaction to the spectacle but rather the potential for the placid calm that buoyed their spirits being cruelly broken by the well-known wrath of the Goddess of Beauty at her impetuous worst.
"Wooooo-weee" the man exclaimed. "That sure is a pretty outfit you got on. Is that real animal fur? You know that in these times, harming animals in the course of clothing yourself is really in bad taste. PETA might raise hell, ya know?"
All in attendance drew back from the pair as the man continued his chit-chat with the one whose identity was surely unknown to him. Incredulity overcame Aphrodite as she began to regard the mortal as some disgusting insect that had landed on her garment. The glen fell into shadow as gathering storm clouds blocked the sun.
"You sure are a looker, that's for sure but all that ornate lace and fur is outdated and a bit frumpy. Might I suggest something a little more form fitting? My girl Amber knows a great boutique on Melrose. She comes home all decked out in latex, hotter'n a stolen tamale. Sure gets me goin'..."
Aphrodite snapped.
"SILENCE!!!" she roared as a stiff breeze shook the trees surrounding the glen then subsided.
"You know NOTHING!", she shrieked. "It is not like that at all. I was, am and always will be pure, unrivaled beauty...the wanton desire of men and the envy of women everywhere. YOU WANT ME, you...you piss-ant, you insignificant dung beetle. You shall regret those words" she screamed in a fit of rage, unbecoming of the Goddess of Beauty.
"Now let's not get all pissy. Jeez lady there's no need to get your undies in a bunch. You're more than beautiful. Why dressed like a hottie you'd outshine even Amber but you'd have to work on your pole dancin' cuz Amber's one hell of a pole dancer. Why she..."
With the man in mid-sentence Aphrodite let fly with a look so wrathful that lightning bolts flew from her eyes, reducing the man to a heap of ash.
In unison the crowd ooh'd and ah'd in much the same way as one might expect during a spectacular burst of fireworks.
"Nice ash, mortal" she quipped snidely.
The sun broke through the clouds bathing the glen once again in its warm glow.
"Where were we?" cooed Aphrodite. "Oh look, a puppy."
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